Everyone loves golf jokes and one-liners. Whether you are looking for jokes for a birthday card for a golfer or to include in a speech, we’ve got you covered.
For some golf is serious, while for others it has a lighter side too filled with laughter, wit and a fair share of dad jokes.
The world of golf humour is filled with clever one-liners that can put a smile on your face, anecdotes of funny stories from the course and some dirty golf jokes too.
We explore the lighter side of the fairway and tee up a collection of jokes (yes, we did just throw in a pun or two there) for you to use.
If you want more than the below examples, we recommend “Adult Golf Jokes: Huge Collection Of Naughty, Rude, Dirty Golfing Jokes” available from Amazon.
Best Golf Jokes
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole in one!
- What do you call a golfer who brings two pairs of pants to the course?
- An optimist
- Why don’t golfers ever bring an extra pair of pants?
- Because you should never get a hole in one
- Why did the golfer bring extra socks?
- In case he got a hole in one
- What’s a golfer’s favorite letter?
- What’s a golfer’s favorite time of year?
- The Masters
- Why don’t golfers ever tell secrets on the course?
- Because the grass might hear
Best Golf Jokes One Liners
- “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”
- “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.”
- “Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.”
- “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.”
- “Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.”
- “I used to be in a band, but I’ve found my new gig in golf. I’m the one with the best strokes.”
- “My golf game is like a bad haircut. It’s a little off on the backswing.”
- “Why don’t golfers ever get mad? Because they can’t keep their temper on the fairway.”
Funny Golf Stories
The Forgetful Golfer:
One day, a golfer arrived at the course and realized he had left his bag of clubs at home. Not wanting to miss out on a round, he went to the pro shop and explained his predicament. The pro lent him an old, mismatched set of clubs and warned him: “These aren’t the best, but they’ll do the job.”
To everyone’s surprise, the golfer played the round of his life, scoring well below his usual average. After the game, he returned to the pro shop and said, “These clubs are amazing! I’ve never played so well. How much are they?”
The pro replied: “Those clubs aren’t for sale. You see, every time someone plays with them, they play out of their minds. But as soon as they buy them, their game goes back to normal.”
The Talking Frog:
A man was playing golf alone when he hit his ball into the rough. As he searched for his ball, he heard a voice say: “Looking for your ball?”
Surprised, he looked around and saw a frog sitting near the edge of the water hazard.
The man asked: “Did you just talk?”
The frog replied: “Yes, I’m a magical talking frog. If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess, and I’ll help you find your ball.”
The man thought for a moment, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Confused, the frog croaked: “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”
The man grinned and said: “Nah, at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”
Best Golf Jokes For Men
- How do you know if a golfer is cheating on his score?
- If he’s breathing, he’s cheating.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole in one – and one for his opponent when he shanks it into the woods
- Why do golfers always carry a pencil?
- To draw a line on the scorecard and avoid a hook.
- Why don’t golfers ever argue?
- They prefer to keep things on an even par.
Best Golf Jokes For Women
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of shoes?
- In case she got a hole in one and wanted to change into her victory heels
- How do you know a golfer is also a pastry chef?
- She’s great at making tarts on the course
- What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music?
- Why did the golfer bring extra accessories?
- For a hole-in-one fashion statement!
- How many women golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
- Four. One to change the bulb and three to talk about how good their swings are.
- What’s a golfer’s favorite type of wine?
- A hole in one!
- Why do women golfers always bring makeup to the course?
- In case they need to apply a touch-up after a good shot.
- What’s a golfer’s favorite romantic movie?
- “Caddyshack” – it’s a love story with a lot of holes!
Golf Jokes For Seniors
- Why do senior golfers bring an extra pair of pants to the course?
- In case they get a hole-in-one and want to celebrate without embarrassing accidents.
- What’s a senior golfer’s favorite exercise?
- Swinging in their rocking chair.
- Why don’t senior golfers ever get mad?
- Because they’ve learned to stay on the “fairway” of life.
- How many senior golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
- Just one, but it might take all day.
- Why did the senior golfer bring a ladder to the course?
- To get a better “lie.”
- What do senior golfers call a long drive?
- Anything over 200 yards.
- Why did the senior golfer wear two pairs of glasses?
- In case he got a hole in one.
- Why do senior golfers love playing early in the morning?
- Because the early birdie gets the worm burner.
Funny Golf One Liners For Adults
- “Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the players well.”
- “I have a tip to reduce your golf handicap: play twice a day.”
- “Golf is the only sport where you can call yourself a pro even if you’ve never broken 100.”
- “Golf is a lot like business: if you don’t keep score, you can’t tell who is winning.”
- “Golf is a game in which you can’t win. You can only do less poorly.”
- “My golf swing is like a rocking chair – it gives me something to do but gets me nowhere.”
- “Golf: the only sport where you can simultaneously be a good shot and a bad shot.”
Golf Dad Jokes
- What did the golf club say to the ball?
- You drive me crazy!
- What do you call a group of musical golfers?
- A swing band.
- Why was the golfer so good at math?
- Because he knew how to use his irons.
James is an avid golfer and reviews golf equipment and new gear for GolfReviewsGuide.com as well as providing the latest golf news. You will find him on a golf course wherever possible.